After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
