I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
