Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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