In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
