It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
