so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
