just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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