please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
