My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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