weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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