Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
