: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
