the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
