theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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