I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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