We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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