I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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