I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
