what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
