I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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