your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
