She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
