dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
