he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
