I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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