He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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