Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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