Swine flu. Run for my life!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
