I cockslap morals
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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