i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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