4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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