they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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