Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
