first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
