I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
