I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
