on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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