I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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