You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
