You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
