I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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