dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
