You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
