Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
