theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
