Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
