recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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