Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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