I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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