we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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