I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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