i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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