I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
