Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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